(Private) Spring XX-XX-XXXX

Listen, what do you place here?  Maybe passwords and usernames for various social media?  That's just problematique.  What if this journal was picked up by people the author does not want them to read?  That could be very frightening.  Maybe I can place all the uneventful things that go on in my life.  I am not very diligent when it comes to journals.  I guess I can change that, considering it's the only way to really be private with my thoughts.  These dormitories are pretty cramped.  If I take too long in the shower, the roommate comes along and knocks on the door telling you to get out.  It defeats the purpose of trying to get along time.  I just don't want to show my roommate these tears.

I just don't want to show how scared I am of this "freedom" I'm allowed to have.  Considering I'm going to a boarding school and am away from my family.  Albeit the fact that my father had turned into a deadbeat years ago and my younger sister does not care much for school.  She's following pleasantly down her father's past.  I'm hoping my grandparents get her to change her ways.  If I can't, they could.  The only person who can blame for hte outcome of all of this is my mother.  Some of it could be placed on me as she considered me to be a burden and in the way.

It really hurts after all this time.  I even found her jounal.  It was the only place she could tell her secret thoughts.  It was the only place she could tell anyone her dreams.  She wanted her dreams to be realized instead of looking after a family.  She broke my father's heart.  How could she?  He showered her with so many...

Ahem.  Sorry about that.

But I guess that's something to look forward to.  Me constantly living in the past and blaming myself for what happened that happened between my parents and not myself.  I can't help it.  It's something a child would feel after its mother replaced it with something else.

I am a lost cause.  Why am I attending this school again?  What is the purpose of placing me here in this school?

I guess I'll just have to find out.

♏

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(Private) XX-XX-XXXX

Okay,so don't hate me but I really like red.  There's just something powerful about the colour red and I feel that it suits me well. Okay, more so than blue.  Like I have a choice with this uniform after all.  I definitely do not wish to wear pink, so I was happy not to pick going to St. Lilim.  I don't look good in green, no matter if it looks good on any redhead.  I just don't feel right.  Red is just simply wonderful and I guess I should just be happy wearing a red pin in the middle of my sash.

I tried tying it today like a scarf, but an upperclassman warned me that a nun would lecture at me about the proper use of the sash.  I tied it back into a bow.  I wonder what other ways I could tie this sash so that it doesn't bother me and I don't look ridiculous.  Although, I must admit, the gold looks well against the blue on the uniform and it contrasts with the tint of the white.

I feel strange being in an English class.  I only know so much to get passed the third grade it's quite sad.  So, I'm taking extra classes in it to catch me up to the right level I should be.  It's a little bit out of the way for the upperclassman, I know.  However, I need to get very good grades to keep my scholarship and to keep myself schooled.

The only thing that is keeping me rooted at this school, is the need to be away from my father and the need to do well.  I am guilty that I have to leave my sibling and grandparents to a deadbeat, but what else could I possibly do?  This is the very school my mother went to.  This is the very school my grandparents thought of when they were thinking of sending me to school.  They also thought I wouldn't do well socially in a public setting.  So, a private, boarding school apparently was the right choice on the matter.  Not that I should complain.

I don't think I would do all that well within a public setting either.

Let's see how the years progress.  Perhaps I should think differently, yes?

♏


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