It's been only six months since I joined the survey corps. Everyone on the squad knows I've got it bad for Captain Levi and I get teased often. Of course, no one teases the captain, and usually, most teasing taking place toward me about him stops as soon as he enters the room. Usually, this weird silence is followed by suspicious glares from the captain, and a lot of snickering glances between us from the to others, while I silently die of embarrassment beneath his cold stare. Does he know? Probably. Captain Levi doesn't strike me as the oblivious type, but more the type who wouldn't be distracted by such frivolity. But that's alright, I'm happy fighting along side him. Plus, it's not like he never talks to me, shouting orders is talking right? He even knows my name, sure, it's just the barking of my last name, but at least he knows it; granted he has to since I'm in his charge, but still...if only he would notice me.

....

It was a warm night, beautiful, if it weren't for the stark terror suppressed behind serious and focused eyes following two hulking figures. Titans. These gigantic monsters, heartless devouring monsters had wandered close to our camp and we were all on edge; ready to fight. One four meter and one nine meter, nothing Captain Levi probably couldn't handle by himself, but the whole squad was ready to fly. It was dark, and our campfire had been snuffed immediately upon spotting them. It seemed they hadn't noticed us, they were wandering stupidly, less active without sunlight, but even so, the fact they were moving at all and this close was plenty cause for concern. We'd camped in the forest for cover, but it hadn't been enough. By now, we were all in the trees, still smelling the smoke of the campfire and even worse, the stink of the titans.

There was a sound, but I could hardly tell what it was over the pounding of my heart in my ears. We were all moving then, flying through the trees, swooping in to take them out. I was a distraction, flying past the titan's face to get it's attention while my comrade flew in from behind to take it out, just like our training. It went off without a hitch, even though I felt like I was going to die as my 3D gear pulled me by mere feet in front of the titan's face. However, as the four meter titan fell behind me, I realized I was sailing straight for the nine meter. I hit my 3D gear to send a rop flying to my right, but it was too late, the titan's massive hand was there before me suddenly like a wall. I slammed against it and might have plummeted straight down if it's fingers hadn't tightened around me. I felt like I was being crushed, my arms pinned helplessly against my sides. even with my blades out, I couldn't move at all, not even a little. It was like being held by a mountain closing on all sides. I couldn't breathe. My head dangling helplessly, I couldn't scream, I couldn't do anything but watch that horrible gaping mouth, and that smile. That terrible, hellish grin. The titan's expression was stupid, a stupid awful grin. I was going to die, but suddenly there was smoke everywhere and the the titan leaned forward. It was dead, falling toward the earth, and if I wasn't released from it's grip, the impact would kill me too. I struggled wither fervor, but it was no use, the thing's hand was like stone.

I suddenly cried out, coughing violently and gulping air as the pressure around my body was released, only to have the wind immediately knocked out of me again. fast, like a viper's strike, the thing's fingers had been cut off, and there was an arm around my waist as I was yanked to safety. I was backwards, hanging like an animal with my limbs dangling, watching the thing fall to the ground in a heap. I saw my comrades scatter to the trees, probably securing the area, but we were heading away from them to avoid being crushed by the titan's body. My savior's 3D gear took us high into the trees where I was put down, my back to the trunk.

I slumped down like a pile of spaghetti. My heart was still racing, I was in shock. How could I have been so careless? How could I not have seen the second titan? I could have died, I could have...that terrible grin, the stench of it's breath. Nightmares, living nightmares...it was awful!

I didn't realize it at first, I thought I couldn't breathe because the titan had broken my ribs, but I wasn't hurt, I was sobbing. Choking on my tears. I'd fought them before, but not at night. I'd killed at least five, with 8 assists, which weren't impressive stats at all, but even so, I'd never been that close to being eaten, pushed head first into such an awful smile. How could they smile? it made me sick.

I was becoming hysterical hyperventilating, but a sudden impact to my left cheek forced me to snap out of it. I was breathing, short, uneven breaths, but breathing. My throat was sore, had I been screaming too? My crying turned to whimpering as I got a hold of myself, looking up at the person who had hit me. Standing over me with his arms crossed, his usual frown eminent in the moon light was my captain.

"Levi-heicho!" I said, choking on another sob, an involuntary spasm of my lungs from crying so hard. I knew my face was a mess, snot, tears and drool from my episode. I was a complete wreck. But his face wasn't judgmental or disgusted. It wasn't anything. He just glared his usual glare.

"Can you walk?" he asked.

I immediately felt the answer to that was an overwhelming 'no.' No way. My whole body felt like it had been replaced with Jello. Weakness filled me and my nerves, but I forced myself to try, wiping my face with my sleeve. I couldn't just sit there whimpering. I staggered to my feet, trembling all over from the sheer amount of exertion it took to stand. I leaned fully against the massive tree trunk behind me for support. While it took significant effort to move, nothing was broken, bruised and sore, but not broken.

I saw the slightest approval in his gaze, and the longer I stood there, the quieter my breathing became until I was calm. I wiped my face some more.

"Your gear isn't broken is it?" he asked.

I looked to my right, that was fine, then to my left, where the 3D unit hung at my side, with a large crack in it, the launcher was shot.

"The left side is cracked," it had most likely broken instead of my hip or my leg, I was grateful for that.

"Merde," he cursed in french, "I'll carry you back."

Now? I thought. Now? While they were still out here? but they were always out here. I wished we could stay put until daylight, but that was a coward's thinking, and stupid. The titans were more active during the day, surely it was safer now, while less of them were active.

I nodded solemnly, even as my heart was racing. I'd have to get on his back, holding on to him, probably with all four limbs as we sailed back through the treetops to regroup with the others. Once they saw me, I'd surely never live it down. Perhaps ten minutes ago I'd have said I'd let a titan eat me before enduring that humiliation, but now...I'd gladly take the ridicule. Besides, I'd never been this close to him, probably wouldn't be again, touching him at all, much less like this.

Then I remembered where his hand had been a moment ago, his arm securely wrapped around my middle, hand on my belly, holding me tightly against his hard muscled form. He was a lot stronger than he looked, definitely stronger than me. I was glad my face was red from crying so he wouldn't see how red it was at the thought of his touch. He turned around, watching the forest and crouched slightly so I could get on. I was shorter than him, but only by a few centimeters, which was saying something as he wasn't very tall himself. It wasn't too difficult to get in position that wouldn't be in the way of his gear or his blades, but I managed. I considered leaving my gear behind, but I was sure I could fix it later, it was too valuable to discard. Levi was now encumbered with me on his back. Fighting would be difficult if not impossible for him.

"Ready." he said. It wasn't a question to ask if I was ready, it was simply an announcement that he was going and I had better hold on. My trepidation at touching him had me thinking I would hold onto him lightly, but that was dashed as we launched forward and my arms tightened like a small child around a safety rail.I clung to him as hard as I could to keep from flinging off. he was solid though, not a part of his body was soft or forgiving at all, a warrior's body, a solider's body. It felt safe holding on to him. He smelled of sunlight, smoke, and titan blood. My face was turned with my cheek against his shoulder, I couldn't help trying to memorize everything about this moment.

"MERDE!" he almost shouted and we yanked to the left so hard my neck hurt, and nearly knocking me loose. We swung around the nearest tree and then hung from it before Levi dropped us to the thick branch below. There was another titan in our path, it was huge, 18 meters or more. But it just stood there, it's back to us. it didn't turn around, just slightly wobbled in place as if it might fall over at any moment.

None of the others in the squad were anywhere in sight.

"Get off, I'll take care of it," he said, nearly throwing me off his back.

"Captain, don't! Let's just go a different way, my gear is broken, I can't flank you!" I pleaded.

"I don't need you." he said with no emotion at all.

I hardly had my footing before he took off. I was knocked off balance and nearly fell off the branch. I cursed, but watched him in the dark, his steel glinting under the moon. I saw him drawing closer, starting his signature spin attack when suddenly a humongous tree in front of the titan fell in it's path, followed by a second, much more active titan. Levi changed course, if what we knew about titan was true, the active one was far more of threat than the dormant one. If we were right, the first titan would simple stay there, not doing anything as long as he didn't get too close. He flew out of sight after the second titan. I couldn't see him anymore, but a loud crash told me he'd killed it.

But then the first titan turned toward the sound, and started moving! Levi! He didn't know it was after him! It started to move faster, I couldn't just sit there and watch.

Even with my gear half busted, I didn't even think. I launched forward with my right hip and pushed my body to spin, turning so I could launch forward again with the same hip. I felt the muscles in my lower back and hips screaming at the strain, it was hurting my entire body to do this, but it didn't matter, just a little closer!!

I had my blades out, I was rushing forward in a terrible spin-launch rhythm, when I spotted Levi far below. I could hardly make him out through the smoke and dark, but there he was. My pupils shrink in horror, he was trapped, pinned beneath a massive tree limb, probably ripped form the trees as the titan had fallen. This other titan drew nearer to him, starting to run, it had a smile that went back too far, almost to it's ears. I hate the smiling ones. I decided. I hate them all, but I hate those most. it was coming for him, but it didn't see a fallen tree in it's path, the one knocked over my the first titan and it started to trip right as my 3d gear planted a hook right in it's spine. It screamed, but I slammed against it and ran up it's back, faster than it's terrible fingers, reaching it neck and slicing out that critical gash. It was dead. It fell the rest of the way to land steaming and lifeless on the earth. I ran and jumped off it's shoulder, straight for my trapped captain. The tree limb was merely a splinter of itself, but it was taller than I was, and I couldn't have wrapped my arms around it's girth. I ran forward using all my momentum to push it. Perhaps the combined strength of three or more men could push this off of him, but I was just me. I could't leave him here to look for help or wait for someone to find us. We'd be titan fodder, or if not, he'd lose circulation in his legs. I couldn't think, I had to work immediately.

I cried out at the exertion as Levi struggled to get free as well. My boots slid back against the forest floor, but the limb was moving. I pushed harder and something in my shoulder gave out with a white hot tearing sensation, I all but screamed but pushed through it. I felt it rock, I grit my teeth.

"Let it go!" ordered Levi, I heard him get free and I obeyed with another cry, jumping back to avoid being crushed by it.

I expected him to hit me, or yell at me for disobeying his order to stay put. Instead he slumped against a tree clutching his right leg.

"Is it broken?" I asked, holding out my hands as if to help him.

"I'm fine," he answered, "but my gear is shot."

I cursed. Now we were stuck, up river without a paddle. We'd never make it far like this. I felt myself suddenly bristling, so much for not needing me, he'd be dead without me and he knew it. We were even, but regardless, that didn't help us now, except that we were both alive and only had each other to thank.

I looked around, there was no where we could go besides the roots of the enormous tree.

"Come on," I said, "at least we can hide here."

He scoffed, "There's no hiding from them."

That was the last thing said for a long time. I was sore all over, the most pain coming from my lower back, my left hip, and my shoulder most of all. I noticed though, that Levi was putting a lot of pressure on his right leg, and his white pants were red down to his knee. That was a lot of blood, at this rate he'd pass out. I pushed myself forward and untucked my shirt, pulling the fabric until it tore. "What are you doing?" he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice that threatened reprimanding.

"Making you a tourniquet, what's it look like?"

He seemed about to say something but thought better of it. Once again my girlish heart started pounding; his thigh, I was going to tie a tourniquet around his thigh! I tried to be professional and not think about how close my hands were to such an intimate place, even fantasizing was pointless. We were both very injured, and realistically something like that would never happen between us. I pulled the fabric tight, but my shoulder screamed in protest. I couldn't use that arm very well it seemed and Levi's hands slid over mine so he could tie it himself. I quickly pulled my hands away, secretly happy he'd touched them, even if they had only been in the way.

Satisfied with his knot, I looked up and saw his eyes. The same face as always, some mixture of sadness and anger, a permanent shadow over his expression of one who has seen more horror than any human should have to bear. I immediately looked away, glad of teh darkness hiding my blush, though perhaps he'd see it in the moonlight anyway.

"Thanks," he said finally, after staring at me forever.

I nodded, "I should thank you too," I started. he was safe. I knew how dangerous my actios had been, how we both could have died. But his actions were dangerous too, there was a chance we could have slipped by unnoticed. We had both been reckless. "We all need each other." I said, as if to reprehend his statement about not needing me, "Always."

I saw his eyes harden, and then soften every so slightly.

It was growing cold, but the respect I saw in his eyes warmed me.

"There they are!" came a voice from above, it was our squad. I was relieved, but I couldn't move. My muscles where locking up from sitting too long. We were saved that night, in more ways than one. We had even saved each other. We'd never forget it.

*******
keep reading!

Both of us were put up in the infirmary at our base. The base was an abandoned castle, only temporary while we tested Erin's reliability in the field. Still, everyone was thankful for him. No one had died. Perhaps one of the rarest, most trifling things. We had encountered a total of six titans last night, apparently two more had distracted the rest of the squad and no one had died. I was so thankful.

Levi wasn't content to be in the sick bed, he was shouting orders from his bed until someone made him a crutch to lean on while his leg healed. I just needed to lay still, I was bruised, muscles strained, torn, pulled. I'd be useless until I could move again.

A month later everything was back to normal, or as normal as every day life could be in the survey corps. I was in the courtyard moving firewood, seeing how much I could do with my weakened body. Suddenly, Levi appeared leaning against the wall near the archway leading inside with his arms crossed, watching me.

"C-Captain!" I said suddenly, almost dropping my armful of wood. "You startled me!"

He just stared, but I could read amusement in his eyes.

"How's you hip?" he asked.

"Oh, it's fine. So is my back and shoulder. What about your leg?"

"Nothing I can't handle," he replied.

I couldn't help it, looking at him in the mid-day sun, even with this small talk, he was just so handsome. Just then Petra walked by, took one look at me and snorted, stifling a laugh. Levi must have shot her quite the look as her smile vanished and a broom seemed to suddenly appear in her hands and she went to sweeping as if it was her life's only goal.

He returned his gaze to me. "I've never seen anyone fly their 3D gear with only one working side. How did you know it wouldn't break you in two?"

"I didn't" I answered, feeling a little shy, "I just couldn't let that thing get to you."

He just looked at me, as if thinking about what to say.

"Meet me in my office." He said curtly and pushed himself off the wall, turning on his heel and marching inside.

"Oooooooo," teased Petra, she immediately hushed as he shot another look at her.


So I did, I finished my work at the fire pit and obediently went to his office. Alone with him behind closed doors meant one was getting scolded, but I couldn't help feeling giddy. Out here, there was no such thing as saving face. I couldn't let myself feel embarrassed that he'd seen my face covered in snot and tears, nor could he allow himself to feel diminished accepting the aid of a lower ranking officer. These things that either inflated or deflated one's pride couldn't matter out here. Still, it felt a little intimate, like we had seen a side of the other that no one else usually saw. No one had even seen Captain Levi as helpless as I had, and no one have ever seen me that...far gone after encountering a titan.

"Close the door," he said, his back to me when I announced myself; he was looking out over the courtyard. Had he been watching me? I closed it and stood at attention nervously.

"I heard a nasty rumor." he said.

"Ah, Sir, you know how those guys are, they're always-!"

"Shut up."

My mouth shut so fast, my teeth clicked.

"I know you have feelings for me."

Those words burned holes in my chest and I felt a heat rising in my face into my ears. I didn't know what to say. Of course he knew, it wasn't a secret among the squad at all, but...Why was he bringing it up? He was probably going to tell me there was no room for those feelings and shut me down. Maybe do something to make me hate him. My giddiness was quickly replaced by a growing shame. "This isn't going to compromise you as a member of my squad is it?

"No Sir!" I answered, "if anything, it makes me stronger!"

"I don't think so." he said.

He wouldn't turn around, it was torture, I wanted to see his face. What was he thinking about?

"If you had to choose between saving me or a saving a group, who would you choose?"

"Sir, that's not fair." I answered.

"Just answer it."

I didn't have to think long, it would break my heart but, "I would do my best to save you both, but if it was impossible...losing you would be a great loss to humanity, your fighting skill is much needed, but I couldn't let a group of people die just to save one life...Even....even if it was yours."

He turned around then, my stomach was in knots, but he looked pleased.

"C'est la vie." he said in french, a phrase that meant 'that's life'. It meant that sometimes things just have to be accepted as it is without fretting. But the french words sent pleasant tingles down my spine, "in times like this. You can't wait around hoping for something to happen. You never know when someone or something could be ripped away from you permanently. If that happens, you'll have regrets. Is that how you want to die? Full of regret?"

I frowned, what was he getting at?

"How good of a soldier would you be if I died?" he asked.

I tried to imagine, surviving my captain, seeing him die, if it was my fault, if it wasn't. If anyone could have stopped it, how helpless would I feel at his loss? I had to make myself look at him to force away the aching it caused my heart to imagine him gone. His living, breathing self right in front of me was comfort from the nightmares he was making me think of. maybe I was right, he was trying to make me hate him.

"Do you know why I don't get close to anyone?" he continued.

I didn't answer, my bottom lip was quivering, he continued to speak, "because they might die. Getting close, it's useless, either you will die or they will. It's pointless to try."

That made me angry, I couldn't hold back my tongue or the tears that stung at my eyes.

"Then why live at all?!" I snapped, "We aren't cattle, not you and me, not anyone in this squad! We are as free as humans can be in this hell! Didn't you just say not to take anything for granted? You can't take us, the men and women of this squad for granted! Sure we might die, and be replaced by more like us brave enough to keep fighting, but we're human Levi! Human beings! We can't just go on like machines only killing titans. There's more! There has to be more than that, otherwise, none of this would be worth it at all!!"

His face had gone stern, more than usual as I shouted at him. I was completely out of line and my face was burning. I was angry and sad and ashamed and ugh, how could he control all of my emotions like this?!

He stormed toward me, I knew I was going to get hit or possibly kicked for that, and I deserved it for yelling like that. I crashed back against the wall, forced there by the brick wall that was his body. I looked away and down in shame, waiting for a fist or whatever punishment I was about to receive, but I only felt his breath against my cheek. I turned to look at him, great, now he was looking at me this upset in broad daylight, but at least I wasn't covered in snot.

He didn't say anything, but those narrow green eyes were looking at my mouth. No way. My lips parted involuntarily as a magical tingling raced through my very core. He was so close, looking only at me. His hands moved from the wall to my shoulders, smoothing down to my elbows.

He said my name, and then pulled me against him, embracing me. I felt him sigh.

"You're right." he said, his voice muffled in my hair, "We don't have time to wait. Tomorrow we might be dead. If there's a chance, we have to take it or we end up regretting it forever."

"Levi?" I asked. I froze, realizing I had just said his first name, I'd even used it in my rant. It was completely out of line, but my voice was only a whisper now. My body was filling with so much hope I was trembling.

He didn't seem to care, but took my chin and forced me to look up where he firmly kissed me. I didn't have a choice, not that I wanted any alternative. I melted, kissing him back. His lips were firm and hard, pressing against mine roughly. I wanted to cry with joy. I was nervous, but so consumed with passion. I was a little afraid too, what if he didn't stop? What if I didn't want him to stop? It would be my first time...and maybe, I thought, maybe the only time.

"Three years," he breathed, his voice so low and rough I could hardly understand it, as he released my lips so his teeth could graze my ear, "I've wanted you for three years."

Even though I could barely think, I was confused, trying to focus on his words instead of his hands as they roamed my waist and back.

"I-I've only been part of the survey corps for six months," I responded.

"I know. How do you think you got here? I hand picked you from the applicants when I thought you were ready. I kept you out as long as I could because I didn't want to see you die. But humanity needs your skills, my hand was forced. If you'd gone to the military police, you'd have been useless."

I couldn't be offended right now, but maybe I'd be angry about that later. In this moment, however, I was only thinking about his hands and his breath. Then, as if hit by a wave, I realized what he was actually saying my my breath caught. That's why I had so much trouble getting in? He'd been so critical of me during those applications, because he wanted me to be stronger? And raise my chances of surviving? This was so much to take in...

"Je'taime," he said, sounding like a wolf, his voice so low and rough it was like a growl.He loved me? I felt my heart soar. We were both thinking about that night, one month ago, almost having lost each other like that. Knowing what I knew now, I couldn't imagine how it must have been for him seeing me almost get eaten, before he himself completely lost face in front of me, nearly getting killed himself. This was our life. This is what it meant to be alive, for these fleeting moments of happiness. This is is what made this life worth living. That night, it had only been us against the whole world. Just as it was right now, just the two of us.

We sank to the floor and soon there was nothing but the sensations of skin against skin. Maybe this was too soon, but we might not ever get the chance. If these feelings were here, if they were real, this might be the only moment we had to share them. Maybe we'd both die tomorrow, maybe even today. Maybe this was just a dream, but it didn't matter. Right now we were as helpless against each other as we'd been against the titans. Our passions driving us beyond reason. "I-I love you too!" I managed to say through shaking breaths. I'd risk my life to save him a thousand more times, if only to feel this again. I silently promised him that I would never let him die, even if that meant I had lied to him a moment ago. Even if it meant someone else would die, even if he was angry at me. It was selfish, but I didn't care. One last look into those narrow green eyes and my heart swelled as I gave into him completely.

***

The end. xD