Alright, just so you know, I'm typing pretty much as I go, so I might not make the most sense but here goes.

I've been under a pretence for a long time now, splitting up my personality into two distinct personae in order to well...'fit in' I suppose; people were more accepting of me generally. And to be honest, it's really wearing away at me, and I should just stop and accept myself in the first place, and tell you all the truth.

I am James, and Amelia. Physically, I am the person you know as James, but both are apart of me personality wise. It's taken me far too long to realize that I don't need to keep up this pretence, and to get up the courage to come out and tell you all. So this is me...well, doing that.

I know it's going to hurt people, and I am truly sorry for that, but it was never, ever my intention. My feelings and behaviour, in either personae, were still me. But I understand that it's not quite that simple, still.

So, I hope you will be able to forgive me, but to all of you, even those who can't, I am sincerely sorry for deceiving you.

I don't know what else to say really, so I'll leave it there...

I feel like I'm the only one who knew.

But I'm probably wrong to that effect. Still, as I'm sure you noted from being one to catch onto me so quickly, people like us can tell each other apart relatively easily.

Perhaps the only one who actually knew, but not the only one to have suspicions, would be a better way to say it. And yes, that probably had a fair bit to do with it.

On another note, will we ever get back to Yumiko and Naomi? XD

Yes I had my suspicions... But I always thought Amelia was your physical appearance? ... The pictures @.@ ... ?


Insert confused Dean Ü

Friends of mine. *Sighs* As much as I might wish it to be so, that is not how I appear.

In all honesty I suspected it. But I always threw that thought away because as close as we were, I honestly thought you would be truthful and upfront with me.

I couldnt believe it when I heard about it. And though I do admit I do feel decieved. Kitty-chan is Kitty-chan. You may have been passing as two separate individuals, but Im happy knowing that 'Ame' does exist in a way.

You have your reasons for doing what you did.. so I respect that. Just.. be truthful with me alright? Ame or James~ youre still my Kitty-chan.

-hugs-

Mmm...that...is one of the reasons I hated keeping the pretence going. Lying to people I care about >.< I really am sorry, to all of you. I won't say that I won't lie to you again - I can't promise to never lie, because that might include the comfort of a small white lie, or a lie whilst delirious, or a misleading statement...but I will do my utter best to make sure these things do not happen.

*Hugs back* I love you all nyaa...

Though even I suspected, and there was concrete evidence prooving you weren't different people, I still let it go. Suspicions originally arose when Ame was very sick and even dying. I was very emotionally hurt by this. I even cried. And it causes me great anger and embarrassment to admit that I let myself be that fooled when I knew better. The proof was right there. I am very VERY upset. But at least you admitted it and apologized. Even so, I feel like....like
..how dare you? I can't blame your reasoning, but im still angry. How dare you not only make me care about someone who was not real, but tell me that person was dying? You manipulated me and everyone who cared about Ame. I can't believe I was so stupid.

But I digress, you did apologize. And its my own fault I was deceived for even a moment. Im just angry.

I'd honestly be surprised if people weren't angry. And really, the lion's share of the blame rests solely upon me, so don't beat yourself up over it or anything.

I was very sick though - I literally begged them to let me use my laptop so I could talk with people. For a short while, I actually did think I was going to die; I was torn between trying to make the hurt as small as possible by keeping up the pretense, or to just tell you all the truth just in case. And then I started getting better again and finally started kicking the pneumonia from my system.

I will explain what I can, if there are things people wish to know, but beyond that there is nothing much I can do beyond offer meaningless platitudes which will do no real good. However, and this is to all affected, if there is anything you think of that I can do to help, please, just ask and I will see what I can do about it.

I will likely hate myself, at least partly, for a very long time for how I've hurt those I've cared about, because I was not faking those feelings, though I also understand if people don't believe me about that. I just wanted to get that out there...

Hating yourself is pointless, it won't move things anywhere, so don't. We all have to move forward, all of us. You, me and everyone else. At least it wasn't all a lie, but still. Its all already done, you already lied, already came clean, and already apologized so it's over. At least we are all still here and still friends. I see no further need for this to be an issue. I am glad you trusted us enough to come clean and even stay here even after getting your head bit off. So anyway, enough of all that, lets get back to rp.

I know it's pointless, but I have a habit of falling into pointless ordeals x.x It'll pass though.

I'm glad I was able to stay, too. Would've missed you all far too much >.<

Speaking of RP though... Still want to do something with Shoka and Tsurara before she disappears? XD